Can you say you love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind?
The first time I saw this question and really, truly thought about it was in a copy of Henry Blackaby’s Experiencing God. The question was written out in fine, grayish-black ink on a sheet of white paper followed by two empty lines where I knew I was supposed to put in my answer. However, everything in me wanted to rebel. The empty lines glared at me, taunting, as I gripped my pencil tighter and chewed my lip, pondering. On the one hand, I reasoned, Come on, Ellie. It’s a devotional book. No one will see this except you and God—so be honest. But on the other hand, I argued back, My real answer just can’t be right! What kind of a Christian am I to say ‘no’?

Lying is one thing my mom, for as long as I can remember, won’t tolerate, and I decided in that moment I wouldn’t tolerate it, either. Like it or not, no matter who saw this, I had to be brutally honest. So, finally, I drew a breath and scrawled my reply in five little words: No, but I want to. As I lifted the pencil and gazed at my painfully written confession, instant shame and regret flooded me. After all, isn’t loving Jesus with everything I have in me His greatest commandment? Am I not required to love Him just that much?
Yes, and yes. So, why don’t I? Similarly, why don’t I know Him as I should? Why do I sometimes doubt His love for me? (And yes, I just switched from past to present tense in this paragraph for a reason—the battle is real, long-lasting, and something I still deal with today.)

These are questions every Christian can struggle with—possibly even you.

As Pastor Noll touched on in his sermon this past week, Christ wants us to have full assurance in Him—an assurance of our redemption through His blood alone. Paul wrote in Hebrews 10:22: “Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.” (emphasis mine) Jesus did the work for us on the cross, His cry, “It is finished” (John 19:30), followed by His resurrection and ascent to Heaven, putting an end to the law and gifting us with new life in Him forever.

But do we truly know this and believe it? Is the gospel more than just a head knowledge to us? When was the last time your heart (or mine) was warmed in experiencing who our God really is?

While on this earth, we will never be able to love God or know Him as perfectly as we think we should, but only as His strength (and our flesh) allow. However, we’re called to continually strive to know Him more, to move past the “intellectual” into a truer, deeper, and richer relationship with Him. “For freedom Christ has set us free” (Galatians 5:1). This freedom, made valid by God’s grace, is what enables us even now to draw near to His throne and see His glory, touch His scars, and hear His whispers for ourselves. There is no limit to loving or knowing Jesus; with His help, we can only keep increasing in our love for and knowledge of Him.

When my little sister, Hope, was four years old, she went through a phase where she wouldn’t go to sleep until Dad blew her an extra air kiss from the doorway of her room. The lights would be turned off, Dad would be halfway down the hallway, and suddenly she’d call: “Dad!” Then he had to backtrack, blow a kiss, and slip away as Hope again snuggled down, content, on her pillow.

I see a lot of myself in Hope. Sure, I know God loves me, but the times I experience it with that one “air kiss” (maybe an answer to prayer, a timely passage in Scripture, or some other God-orchestrated event), I get an extra glimpse of His character and His love for me that helps me know Him more.

Satan delights in taking our doubts about not being a “good enough” Christian and using them against us, but we shouldn’t let him do that! Instead, I urge you to bring your fears, concerns, and doubts to God; ask Him to show Himself to you. Rest assured, He will hear you, and He will answer, for “as a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust” (Psalm 103:13-14).

“Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).

More than my next breath

More than life or death

All I’m reaching for,

I live my life to know You more.

I leave it all behind,

You’re all that satisfies.

To know You is to want to know You more.

-“To Know You” by the contemporary Christian band Casting Crowns

(Image found online.)